November 21, 2008

Dear Pre-Motherhood Self

Dear Pre-Motherhood Self,

Simply put, I miss you. Those days of reading books {sigh,books} until 2am, sleeping in, and having long leisurely breakfasts and coffee are on my mind a lot. Now don't get me wrong, having SoJo in my life has been more fulfilling than I have imagined, but it's also really really hard! Harder than when you were a student teacher. Harder than the time you cooked a week of 5am breakfasts, lunches, and dinners for 15 men on a meditation retreat. Harder than enduring your bouts of existential depression.

But as the saying goes, we want what we can't have. Or you don't know what you got til it's gone. You get the picture, dear self. There was nothing in the world you wanted more than to have a baby, and now that I have one, well, I still don't want anything more than that baby (maybe another!), but honestly Kathleen, there are times when I wish that parenting wasn't a 24-hour-a-day job. Especially those hours on the tail end of a day. But dear self, I'm learning to accept that which cannot be changed, and not wish for things to be otherwise.

And you cannot imagine how much you will love this little boy. You'll want to cuddle and kiss him all the time, you'll worry about him when he's in his crib at night and you're under your covers in bed. You'll want him snuggled next to you, even when all he wants to do there is play and crawl around. You'll fret when he's teething and you'll carry him when making dinner because he won't let you put him down. You'll daydream about the expression he'll have when he lets go of your hand that first day of kindergarten, and you'll wonder where his future mate is at this moment (getting her--or his---diaper changed too?).

Dear self, I know you've made a promise to the universe that you'll be so grateful and complete if only you were given a baby...and guess what, I'm keeping that promise! Every day ends with gratitude for the blessings that have been sprinkled upon me.

One more thing: enjoy your sleep while you still can!

Kathleen (Soren's Mama)

For more Friday Fun Link ups, head over to The Secret is in the Sauce for more saucy letters!
signature

15 comments:

  1. Mmm I'm right there with ya. Sometimes I just want an hour to myself...okay maybe a few hours. The rare times I get that, I end up giving in half way through and changing her diaper. Not because I have to, but because I want to. I could just sop her up with a biscuit, but I still long for my freedom sometimes. It's funny.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Great post, I could have written this when my boys were little. Visiting from SITS and I am totally liking what I am reading.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Dear Pre-Motherhood Kathleen,

    Let's get some coffee, and hit up a few museums before grabbing dinner. Because we have ALL DAY.

    Love, Pre-Motherhood Jessie

    ReplyDelete
  4. The Good News is that when they grow up and leave the nest, you (sort of) become your Pre-Motherhood Self Again! Hiya, SITSta! My Great New Pop'rs Thanksgiving Extravaganza is still underway, so please come by and share some Comment Love!

    ReplyDelete
  5. Hello fellow SITS-er. Enjoyed your Dear Letter. I am right there with you on that. Come visit me at:
    http://theysayimnuts.blogspot.com/2008/11/dear-crazy-friends.html

    ReplyDelete
  6. Well written. 13 years ago, that was me. Time goes by far too quickly. Hold on to each moment and if you are not, write down every things done or said you find funny. I wish I would have recorded more when mine were younger. The memory tends to not recall. Enjoy your little one. :)

    ReplyDelete
  7. I think that what we really long for is balance. After a long day with the kids, I long for time by myself. But when I've been away from the kids for a while, I long to see them again! When the kids are young, the scales are tipped a lot more in their direction, so it's tough not to long for several hours to actually read a good book, catch up on a movie, or just relax. It takes a while (okay, years!), but one day the scales will be tipped more in your direction again. And you'll have the best of both worlds ... me-time and motherhood!

    ReplyDelete
  8. Oh man. How very very true. But, don't want to trade it for anything.

    ReplyDelete
  9. I think we have ALLLLL felt this way! It's a little overwhelming the 24/7/rest of your LIFE mommyhood responsibility and commitment! It does get easier...

    ReplyDelete
  10. Isn't it great how even through the down parts, you're still always so grateful for that little one? Babies are the best!

    ReplyDelete
  11. What a nice letter! Enjoy the baby moments while you have them. They are over in a flash.

    ReplyDelete
  12. Great letter.

    Sometimes I just miss the quiet. When I had my own apartment. And would sit in my undies and eat ice cream.

    ReplyDelete
  13. Beautifully put! You brought tears to my eyes!

    ReplyDelete
  14. I miss all my free time too, and just wish I KNEW to enjoy those moments a lot more than I did. :)

    ReplyDelete

I'm a good listener...comment away!

Related Posts with Thumbnails