August 10, 2009

Dog Days and a Ramblin' Post

I think I may be the only person who gets depressed in summer. Something about the heat and living near lots of pavement gets me down. I miss my childhood home and it's fantastic yard and creek. It seemed like that was the only place I truly loved summer.

I shouldn't complain, since we've had like 1 day over 90 this year (and today's the day), and since many of you Texans and Northwestern folks have been muddling through heatwaves, this little heat-blip in PA is nothing to fry an egg on a car over.
Maybe I'm just lacking post material. It's been a tough few weeks, ever since I got back from BlogHer. I feel like the proverbial hamster spinning on a wheel, doing endless loads of laundry and washing dishes, only to find myself back in that spot right after I stopped. I hate thinking of my life as just getting by; though many days it's like keeping my head above water.

I've always been prone to existential angst--you know, all the meaning of life stuff, but it's now compounded with the realization that I'm getting older. Somehow a baby does that to you. They change so much in the first few years and really are a physical specimen for the passage of time.

So here I am, just tapping away on the keys, parked in front of the fan with a cat cozied up next to me as if it were January. I suppose that's why they're not called the cat days of summer.


  1. I've got something for you...a new feature on Mondays called Mommy Time. I'm trying to get folks to contribute a post about non kiddie related activities. Let me know what you think:

  2. I am sooooooo with you! Maybe its the 110 degrees plus that lovely AZ summers offer. Makes it hard to get out and do anything

  3. Honestly, I feel the same way. Treading water, waiting for something to change. I think it's from being so excited for so long about BlogHer and then it was over in a very, very short weekend. Now what?!

    Oh, that, and I want Roo to be back in school. NOW.

  4. You're not alone. I think I have postpartum depression again...especially here. :(

  5. Aren't we all singing the same tune... Here is a copy-paste of the blog post I didn't publish today... Thanks for giving me a place to post it, since I clearly can't put it on my own blog! Hang in there mama - some days are better than others!

    "Today, not so inspired. So here it is, the down and dirty truth, my list of things that absolutely SUCK:
    1. Doors slamming.
    2. Screaming.
    3. Scratching, kicking and hitting.
    4. Having to physically restrain a child who is raging.
    5. Hearing (and half-believing) your child saying he hates you.
    6. Hearing (and truly believing) your child saying he hates himself.
    7. Not knowing how to help.
    8. Feeling sure it's your fault.
    9. Knowing your insurance doesn't cover the kind of help your little guy needs.
    10. Pretending everything's okay."

  6. I'm with you too LOL. I rarely enjoy summer outside anymore because it's just been blistering hot here. I wish it would cool off a bit so I could go out and do the things I enjoy, like gardening.

    You will get back in the groove of things. I know the hamster spinning feeling - I feel like that quite often!

  7. *hugs* Everyone has times like this- I was like this half the time I was in Alaska. Just nothing but treading water, and that barely.

    Everyone's life has ebbs and lows- just hang in there and do the best you can. It will be good enough and soon enough you'll get your spark back.

  8. Yes, you are in the midst of the 'joys' of motherhood nobody will dare tell you about until it is too late. I am there myself. I have a caged animal(a.2.yr.old) inside my house who doesn't understand that the 100+ weather (in FL) and gang of mosquitoes are too much for mommy to handle.
    Cooler weather will bring a change of seasons, but that only seems to remind me even more of how quickly time is going by. Seasons seem to pass like days now. I think the sadness is from realizing how your babe is so much closer to being a man....I know that this thought always breaks my heart. I remember the tiny hands, tiny toes and toothless (and I) want so badly to hold on to each precious moment, but they escape all too quickly.
    Good luck mama. I believe, now, that heartbreak is part of motherhood that is constant and unspoken.

  9. P.S.

    In the middle of my chores I try to remind myself:

    *Be thankful for dirty dishes, it means we have plenty to eat.
    *Be thankful for dirty laundry, it means we had lots of messy fun together.
    *Be thankful for a dirty floor, it means there are many active feet in my home.
    *Be thankful for the dust, it means I was too busy with my little one to notice it settling.
    *Be thankful for being so tired, it means that I am a mom!

  10. You are not alone, I have been feeling depressed lately too. I don't know what it is but hopefully it will go away soon. I actually posted about it on BlogHer this week.

  11. Is it the letdown that comes after some big event, like the holidays or in your case BlogHer? I'm sorry you're feeling icky. I hope it goes away quickly. You're NOT old, by the way.

  12. ...and today we'll eat ice cream together. *HUGS*


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