Photo from a few weeks ago; trust me, I'm much larger now, and have not liked seeing any pics of myself lately, puffy and blah, definitely not one of those cutesy pregnant ladiesBecause I've inherited my grandmother's habit of never being able to make a decision and stick to it, I'm still up in the air about the c-section. Yes, truly! Nothing like waiting until the last minute, deciding whether to have my stomach cut open and all.
At the advice of my OB practice, I've scheduled my C anyway, after my due date, even though my intention is to do the VBAC if I go into labor early. Because Soren's birth in general was not an ideal experience (painful labor, failure to progress, huge head wedged in the birth canal, finally ending in a caesarian), I'm fearful that I'll end up laboring and having to get a C in the end again anyway. I know, I know, I'm a wimp (my friend Shana, a true natural birth champion is frowning right now, with good reason) but I have such a terrific fear of labor, stemming even from childhood (being the eldest of 5 kids, it seemed like my mom was always pregnant and somehow I knew what she had to go through to get us out).
I guess I'm leaving things up to fate, hoping that whatever method it takes to get this child into the world alive and healthy will be the "right" one, if there is such a thing. Though I wish my worries about it weren't keeping me up at night; I already have sleep issues as is!