November 4, 2013

Death, The Companion

This morning, I'm heading to a funeral for Soren's former preschool teacher.  Since her death early last week, I can't seem to get her out of my mind.  She wasn't that old (60) and died suddenly.  It sounds selfish, but I feel as if a part of my past has died, a part of my son's childhood, which I suppose it has. 
It seems the older I get, the more closely aware of death and dying that I am.  Maybe it's having been so close to that cliff, that vulnerable, horrible place last year when my son was hovering between life and death, which has made me truly realize how fragile and unpredictable life is.  I can't watch an episode of Parenthood without bursting into tears.  Does simply having children just do this to you?  I can't even read or watch anything anymore that involves violence or abuse toward children.

Death is on my mind each day, but not necessarily in a morbid sense.  I want to keep it close to me, to guide me in savoring this life and these moments I have with my family and friends.  It's hard to live with sometimes, but I'm hoping that its presence makes this life richer and more fully inhabited by me.

1 comment:

  1. I'm sorry for your loss. Is Soren okay? I find that I get emotional over child abuse articles, but I think that's a blend of motherhood and my past experiences.

    To be perfectly honest I think about death often too. I find that I'll have what I call "daymares" my mind drifts while cleaning or doing whatever and I find myself conjuring up the worst what if scenario involving the kids or The Mister. The Mister has the same thoughts though, we discovered not long ago when I "confessed" this to him LOL. I quickly shake myself away from those thoughts when they creep in, refocus, and hug whoever is within reach. In that sense, I suppose it is a good thing - keeps me humble and grateful. In a disturbing way, perhaps.


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